fallingtowers:

i live in the most haunted house in the northern hemisphere because i keep buying cursed dolls and cracking them open like pistachios to release the ghosts inside em. see i’ve got this business idea and it’s to unethically harvest their ectoplasm and sell it in little jars like honey. unfortunately i’ve hit a snag, namely that ectoplasm tastes like shit and also if you ingest it you permanently lose the capacity to feel joy. so now i’ve got a bunch of unsatisfied customers who are literally impossible to please banging on my door at all hours. it doesn’t really matter though because the ghosts are already constantly slamming all my doors and cabinets so it’s just a wall of sound in here at all times anyway. i’m pretty sure i’ve got tinnitus now but on the upside i’ve got this new business idea where i repair old dolls with kintsugi and sell them at a ridiculous markup to etsy women in cuffed corduroy pants.

jacobtheloofah:

i-was-today-years-old-when:

i learned that there’s a Japanese beetle that when eaten by a frog will haul ass through its digestive system and escape out the back end unscathed (x)

you eat me and i perfectly dodge all of your digestive enzymes and stomach acid and i sprint out your asshole fully intact

lunarlagomorph:

I think ive said it before but you really gotta feel bad for oedipus that wanting to fuck your mother got named after him. He really did not want to do that . It is central to oedipus rex how badly he didnt want to do that. Dick move by freud

i-was-today-years-old-when:

i learned that the smoot is a unit of measure named for Oliver R. Smoot, an MIT student who as a fraternity pledge was forced to measure the Harvard Bridge using himself as a ruler. A smoot is equal to five feet, seven inches. (x)

But does the ISO accept it?

mircalla:

email is short for evil mail

sorun-var:

log6:

this is my new favorite headline/image combo EVER